For the first time in my life
I am untethered
I find that peace unsettling
Because what am I without chaos?
And who am I without intense love?
It turns out that I’m just a girl
A girl free falling into herself
And I don’t have the answers
But I do know that I won’t find them
In the hands of someone else
This journey is mine now
And for the first in my life
Maybe that’s okay
I’ve been you before
I’ve answered a deep craving
That I couldn’t explain
Pushing and pulling
Falling and running
Chasing and facing
All the things that
Kept me up at night
A part of me awakening
That I thought I had lost forever
It was both a blessing and a curse
Ending in the words:
“Sometimes the best way to love
Someone is by becoming a stranger.”
I say this as a warning
But I know it will only pull you in more
Because we all desire to be different don’t we?
And who knows the future?
The only thing we can do is
Wait and see
A song of yours has become my lullaby
The thing that soothes me most when I’m afraid
It’s kind of ironic because no one has scared me more in terms of my feelings
And yet here you are in memory lulling me to sleep
I don’t know what that says about me
Maybe that I only find peace in pain
But I’ll still close my eyes and lay down next to your melody
Welcoming whatever it is that your presence may bring
Connections are so fragile
Yet so strong
Can become a part of your skin
With an ink that only you can see
Be careful now Darling
You’ve let me into your mind
And some of my words
May never leave
With a sight deeper than eyes allow
You take me under your cloak of perplexity
Letting your mystery tattoo a spell on my lips
A passion forming on my fingertips
Am I already yours before we kiss?
Will I have a say in this?
Either way, I won’t resist
As I’ve fallen off of higher cliffs
I never realized how much of my words held anger for you until I began to find acceptance.
I was writing out some thoughts on my actions in our connection, and I became overwhelmed by:
All the times I was impulsive.
All the times I villainized you.
All the times I pushed you away.
Taken back by the sharpness of my truth, I said out loud, “I’m sorry. I tried my best.”
And like a spell, the magic within those words caused an earthquake beneath my feet.
Everything in my mind shifted,
Because I realized, so did you.
We were just two broken people trying our best,
And there is no room for blame in that sentence.
Everyone make mistakes…
So for future curiosity, I’m okay.
And I have hope that somewhere, you are too.
The house howls hauntingly
It’s spirit spilling pictures of pain on the walls
She kneels before them
And all the memories swallow her whole
Their lessons shining brightly on her wide open eyes
Like an owl with a message
Perched on a tree of daggers
Their abrasive teachings whoosh in and out of the cracked windows
With cries that demand to be heard
I guess that’s what happens when sadness becomes your home
A warning to any and all alone
It was a Friday in the early morning when I awoke in a panic
My eyes scanning the room for a visitor that I could feel but not see
His message alarming
His energy unnerving
I didn’t know the how or the why but I knew you were in trouble
Your voice screaming on the edge of my mind’s outline
Frantic I had no idea what to do
There’s no way to reach a ghost after all
But I would still exhaust myself trying
So I closed my eyes and I focused hard on your face
Bringing you before me in a sea of black
I paused for a moment to study your lines, taking in all the things I missed
Your good mornings
Your silent knowings
Our easy flow
And then I walked up to you and I put my hand to your chest
Transferring as much loving and healing energy as I could directly to you
What could it hurt?
Brains are powerful instruments and I had to try
Maybe it was just a dream
I’ll never know
But I told you I’d always be there for you
And I always will
Even if it’s only in the dark
Your words danced up my neck with a delicate boldness
Like a hand wrapped around my throat waiting for the okay
“We can both be fire and we can both be safe,” you said
A sweet intrigue twinkling in your eye
I smiled as I became acquainted with your flavor
It’s contradiction tingling on my eager lips
Was it sugar? Was it spice?
I couldn’t quite tell
But I knew one thing for sure
I was a contradiction as well
And I had absolutely no desire to be safe
Teach me your lessons Darling
It’s not enough to mean
Something to someone is it?
I want you to crave me
I want you to take me
I want you to taste me
And when you’re done
I want you to rest your mind
And then discover me once again
Finding new ways to make me scream
I tend to think of myself as selfless
Always putting others first
But when I look at you
All I see is my deep greed
And my desperate need
To be freed by your hands
And can you really
Blame me Darling?
You just have the right key