Firsts

For the first time in my life

I am untethered

And ironically

I find that peace unsettling

Because what am I without chaos?

And who am I without intense love?

It turns out that I’m just a girl

A girl free falling into herself

And I don’t have the answers

But I do know that I won’t find them

In the hands of someone else

This journey is mine now

And for the first in my life

Maybe that’s okay

Advertisement

Intuition

I’ve been you before

I’ve answered a deep craving

That I couldn’t explain

Pushing and pulling

Falling and running

Chasing and facing

All the things that

Kept me up at night

A part of me awakening

That I thought I had lost forever

It was both a blessing and a curse

Ending in the words:

“Sometimes the best way to love

Someone is by becoming a stranger.”

I say this as a warning

But I know it will only pull you in more

Because we all desire to be different don’t we?

And who knows the future?

Not you

Not me

The only thing we can do is

Wait and see

Little Star

A song of yours has become my lullaby

The thing that soothes me most when I’m afraid

It’s kind of ironic because no one has scared me more in terms of my feelings

And yet here you are in memory lulling me to sleep

I don’t know what that says about me

Maybe that I only find peace in pain

But I’ll still close my eyes and lay down next to your melody

Welcoming whatever it is that your presence may bring

Ink

Connections are so fragile

Yet so strong

The way

One moment

One conversation

One song

Can become a part of your skin

With an ink that only you can see

Be careful now Darling

You’ve let me into your mind

And some of my words

May never leave

With a sight deeper than eyes allow

You take me under your cloak of perplexity

Letting your mystery tattoo a spell on my lips

A passion forming on my fingertips

Am I already yours before we kiss?

Will I have a say in this?

Either way, I won’t resist

As I’ve fallen off of higher cliffs

Hocus-pocus

I never realized how much of my words held anger for you until I began to find acceptance.

I was writing out some thoughts on my actions in our connection, and I became overwhelmed by:

All the times I was impulsive.

All the times I villainized you.

All the times I pushed you away.

Taken back by the sharpness of my truth, I said out loud, “I’m sorry. I tried my best.”

And like a spell, the magic within those words caused an earthquake beneath my feet.

Everything in my mind shifted,

Because I realized, so did you.

We were just two broken people trying our best,

And there is no room for blame in that sentence.

Everyone make mistakes…

So for future curiosity, I’m okay.

And I have hope that somewhere, you are too.

Haunt

The house howls hauntingly

It’s spirit spilling pictures of pain on the walls

She kneels before them

And all the memories swallow her whole

Their lessons shining brightly on her wide open eyes

Like an owl with a message

Perched on a tree of daggers

Their abrasive teachings whoosh in and out of the cracked windows

With cries that demand to be heard

I guess that’s what happens when sadness becomes your home

A warning to any and all alone

The Visitor

It was a Friday in the early morning when I awoke in a panic

My eyes scanning the room for a visitor that I could feel but not see

His message alarming

His energy unnerving

I didn’t know the how or the why but I knew you were in trouble

Your voice screaming on the edge of my mind’s outline

Frantic I had no idea what to do

There’s no way to reach a ghost after all

But I would still exhaust myself trying

So I closed my eyes and I focused hard on your face

Bringing you before me in a sea of black

I paused for a moment to study your lines, taking in all the things I missed

Your good mornings

Your silent knowings

Our easy flow

And then I walked up to you and I put my hand to your chest

Transferring as much loving and healing energy as I could directly to you

What could it hurt?

Brains are powerful instruments and I had to try

Maybe it was just a dream

I’ll never know

But I told you I’d always be there for you

And I always will

Even if it’s only in the dark

Your words danced up my neck with a delicate boldness

Like a hand wrapped around my throat waiting for the okay

“We can both be fire and we can both be safe,” you said

A sweet intrigue twinkling in your eye

I smiled as I became acquainted with your flavor

It’s contradiction tingling on my eager lips

Was it sugar? Was it spice?

I couldn’t quite tell

But I knew one thing for sure

I was a contradiction as well

And I had absolutely no desire to be safe

Teach me your lessons Darling

It’s not enough to mean

Something to someone is it?

I want you to crave me

I want you to take me

I want you to taste me

And when you’re done

I want you to rest your mind

And then discover me once again

Finding new ways to make me scream

I tend to think of myself as selfless

Always putting others first

But when I look at you

All I see is my deep greed

And my desperate need

To be freed by your hands

And can you really

Blame me Darling?

You just have the right key